To Cope When Your Spouse Goes Ballistic With The News You Are Leaving."
An excerpt from the ebook,
"How To End A Marriage"
does my spouse have a Jekyll and Hyde personality?
believe that a spouse suddenly develops a Jekyll and Hyde personality
with the onset of the divorcing process. I believe that it has always
been in there but the sharp extremes have been kept in check. The stress
of getting divorced lowers people's resistance and ability to contain
themselves. It's for that reason; you see the "flip-flop" in moods and
demeanor. Remember, it's not as if the divorcing process causes someone
to snap. Instead, what is being seen is the negative side of a person
which has always been there but suppressed and now showing itself.
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Do You Cope When Your Spouse Goes Nuts When You Decide To Leave?
The best way to cope with your spouse who is losing it upon finding out
that you want to end the relationships is not to argue and just listen.
Sometimes, you will just need to leave things be and take a time out to
leave the home. Recognize that this may come as a big shock even if you
have both expressed openly how unhappy you've been in the marriage. It's
one thing to complain and it's another thing to actually take action and
If you find yourself needing to take a time out, reassure your spouse
that you will return. If on the other hand, your spouse becomes openly
hostile and confrontative, do not be surprised to come home to find the
locks changed and your belongings thrown into garbage bags and set out
on the front lawn or to find the house completely empty. This is the time
your contingency plan should kick in. By that I mean, you should have
the ability to clear out all of your personal effects before you get locked
Anything can happen while your spouse is going nuts on you over this.
You need to anticipate the possibilities and plan accordingly. Again,
if you have any idea at all that your spouse could go off the deep end,
you need to do your homework ahead of time.
Things That Can Happen.
People have a knack of saying and doing ugly things to each other when
they are upset. Remember the movie, "The War of the Roses", a black comedy
satire about an upwardly mobile divorcing couple. At first glance, it
appeared so absurd that it was funny. However, in its humor, there was
The movie depicts a couple who for all intents and purpose had everything
going for them. Outwardly, they appeared to represent success, fulfillment
and togetherness. They had good careers, a nice home and great children.
The couple in the movie started out as many other couples do - two people
who are decent human beings, hard working and devoted to their children.
However, their relationship fails and things started to unravel, and then
things turn ugly and stressful. The movie shows how the couple's conflict
can take on a life of its own. It leads them to do some really crazy and
bizarre things. Some of the things are really far fetched, like killing
the family dog and serving it as an appetizer. But then there were other
things that the couple did that were not so far fetched although still
on the strange and bizarre side of things.
I recall one particular case when a husband became so upset over what
he thought his soon to be ex wife was up to that he went through her trash
with the hope of finding receipts and discarded mail. Who in their right
mind thinks to do that? Very angry and hurt people do. In this situation,
the husband went to all sorts of lengths to get something on her. Ask
any private investigator and he or she will tell you that a good portion
of their surveillance work has to do with divorce cases. Other any spouses
will destroy property, spread ugly rumors about the other spouse or try
to get them fired from their jobs.
These are just a few examples of the nasty things people going through
divorce are capable of. What prompts this behavior? It's hard to say,
perhaps it's the rejection, fear of loss or just plain nastiness.
some cases the best way to deal with an unreasonable spouse is not to
deal with him or her. No amount of discussion, debate or arguing will
change the mind and attitude of a person who is bent on thinking and acting
unreasonably. If your spouse truly believes you are a "jerk", then there
is no amount of energy you can spend that will change that perception.
Use your energies wisely. Do not waste them on someone who is completely
unreceptive to logic and reason. Remember, those who are close to you,
know who you are and will view your spouse's lack of reason to be just
as it is unreasonable. Unless your spouse's unreasonableness is interfering
with your relationship with your children, your personal relationships
or your career then let it go. On the other hand, if your children, your
personal relationships and your career are affected, then do pursue ways
of dealing with it.
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Dr. Reena Sommer
Located in League City, Texas